From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
