I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
