"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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