you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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