I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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