somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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