I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize