Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
