The best revenge is premature balding
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize