Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
