I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
