Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
