Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
