All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
