please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
