Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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