Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
