My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
