Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
