I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
