after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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