Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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