i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
