Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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