The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
