Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
