Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
