There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
