I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
