jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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