i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
