Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
