I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
