So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
