If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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