She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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