My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
