quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
love makes seman taste better
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
