You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
