Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
