His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
