shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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