I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
