In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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