I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
