She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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