I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
