You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
