I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
