I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
