I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
