worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
