If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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