come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
