Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
