I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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