she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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