Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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