MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Two words: nipple clamps
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