brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
