My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
