I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
