Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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