Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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