Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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