the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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