uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i think i have herpe
just one?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
